The shortest novel ever

1. Reading between the lines

I have to be honest, I came up with the title first. During the pandemic, I thought I would read book after book at an impressive rate. The exact contrary happened. It was probably the best context anyone could ever imagine. Confinement, curfews, restrictions and store closures across the board, what was there to do beside reading? If reading was your second thought, don’t worry. It’s perfectly normal.

It was not for lack of trying. I started reading several, but could not fully engage with any. This left me with a feeling of failure which made my next try even more difficult. Also, my tendency to question everything did not help. Why this one? If I read it, this probably means I will never read the other classic collecting dust just beside it.

I heard of an online book club. They were reading works of Dostoeïvsky and then commenting on their progression and impressions. In my twenties, I wasn’t intimated by what we call here “bricks”. But in my fifties, I am now more selective. I reward authors that just come out with it, leaving an opportunity for avid readers to discover other worthy authors. For now, I am like most people. I have heard of À la recherche du temps perdu but have not gotten around to actually reading it.

When CDs were still around, I remember picking out a Peter Gabriel album from the CD shelf of a small tavern located a good ten feet away (the CD shelf not the tavern) and asking the bartender to play it. I could tell it was the right album just by looking at how the colors were laid out on the side of the plastic case. During the pandemic, I relied on another system to choose the next book I would not be able to read. I went by width. The smaller the better. To no avail.

Not only was it hard for me to read, it was even harder for me to write. Several authors were already writing about the pandemic and my utmost respect for readers made me very reluctant to add another voice to the deafening chorus of COVID-19 anecdotes.

So I did nothing but work, which is very American. I’m Canadian of course, but I felt more American than ever before.

I put all my energy into work and even brought some work on vacation. What differentiated me from several Americans was that the thought of resigning never crossed my mind. I could barely pick up a book and wrote very little. Resigning would likely not be my best career move. The thought of looking for a new job would feel more daunting than choosing a book to read.

Weeks passed and I could not find the novel that would ignite my curiosity and passion. Was it gone forever, blown away by depressing news reports and overexposure to COVID-19 curves and statistics? Was I depressed? Not reading a novel for several months in a row was not exactly the medical definition of depression. No, it just meant that I had bought too many bricks and there were not that many “quickies” to choose from.

I remembered a project I had thought of a few years ago. I wanted to write a novel you could have time to read on a flight, from beginning to end. I could prepare several versions based on flight times and could even throw in some interesting facts about the departure and arrival cities. The “plane novel” could even come in handy for flights involving connections. This one would be called “The connection novel”. Wish I would have had one in 2011 when I was stuck for thirteen hours at JFK en route to Reikjavik Iceland!

If we choose a specific outfit for a special night, or a special recipe for a special dinner, then why not choose what we read based on the occasion? Or our level of energy? This would likely lead to new titles such as “The Thursday novel”, “The lunch break”, “Just a few words”, “Two hours should do it” or “Almost finished before you start”. I guess that’s how I came up with the idea of “The shortest novel ever”.

I wanted to give readers the option not to be discouraged just looking at the width of the book or the number of pages advertised. Forget about a New York Times bestseller. I was out to produce a New York Times best read or quickest read. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not lazy. I just have the utmost respect for your time. It’s like my English teacher used to say. Hurry up, time is money. Money is nothing but anyway.

Normally, before writing anything, I read something. Since I did not want to write about the pandemic, I thought I was better off not reading altogether. So the novel would have to be about something else. And it would have to be over after 10,000 words. How many readers have the luxury to be in on the author’s objective with such detail? Most of the time, even after I have finished a novel, I’m left wondering what it was all about in the first place.

I would keep my readers posted on the creative project from beginning to end, while putting some drama and humor in the story whenever necessary. This project would also involve some constraints. I told you I was not lazy.

Each chapter, including the title, would be limited to exactly 1,000 words. This translates into a 5-minute read for the average reader, or 50 minutes for the entire novel. If you are a slower than average reader, you should still be able to finish it during your flight from Boston to New-York. But I do recommend travelling using a more environmentally friendly means of transportation. The downside is that my train novel is not ready yet. But don’t worry. There are plenty of good magazines and newspapers out there.